Why Women put up with Men
78This hub is dedicated to my friend who recently went through a break up.
My friend Rachel just broke up with her boyfriend. Her reaction was not hurt or upset but mostly matter of fact. Her tone was even keel and she referred to this break up as nothing but a bump in the road. It seems he boyfriend of six months or so did not agree she should have an emotional breakdown. He did not agree that just because it is the change of seasons and this time of year reminds my friend about somepretty important losses in her life that she does not have the right to be sad. He pretty much put it to her bluntly that they needed a break until she saw things his way. He then followed up the next day with break up text message. Class .. pure class. Then it got me to thinking about my own experiences with my ex husband and my divorce. I clearly remembered how he would stalk me or pay others to follow me through out the divorce proceedings and how he boldly stepped into my new home demanding a tour, even though we were divorced. These two separate issues got me to thinking why do Women put up with men? It seems that they are a pain in the side or a bump in the road. What makes us want them so? Let's explore...
Self Esteem or Society
At first I was going to blame low self esteem as a part of the problem.. But I don't think so. When I think of my friend Rachel I don't think of low self esteem. When i think of myself I don't don't think of low self esteem. I think more about loneliness and the prospect of being alone.. especially as we get older. Society dictated to us when we were younger 20 some years ago that we were to get married, have a family and live happily ever after. Society still dictates it to a degree but any seasoned woman knows that this is not necessarily the recipe for success. For me I think I have definite fear of loneliness. I admire Rachel's courage to be able to go out on her own with little emotion or little fear.
Maybe the fear of loneliness encourages us to make hasty decisions as I did with my marriage. I let myself get sucked in a void, a sticky spiderweb of control with my ex husband. It was a spiderweb I had wot work hard at getting out of.. and still do.
We just can't help ourselves
When it comes to my boyfriends sultry blue eyes and his smile I just can't help myself. I just melt. Is this normal for a woman over 40? Just a wink from him and I know everything will be OK. Is he fooling me? Is he the real thing? I admit I am gullible and want to believe he loves me for me. I have some difficulty in the trust department because lets just say I am too smart for my own good. He flirts with other woman on line and I don't like it a bit!
But I digress. I am sure most women would agree that we are taken in by a pair of pretty eyes a dashing smile and a hunky bod. When that package presents it self to us we are guliable and beleive everything Mr. Perfect says.
Uncondtional love
Women are conditioned to believe that there is someone for everyone. We are conditioned to believe that we can give unconditional love even when it is not given. We are conditioned to believe men are not perfect.. no one is perfect and there fore we have to settle. This is not a slam against the guys. We just believe we have to settle for the first guy that comes along that is willing to say I do! I think a lot of that can be blamed on our mothers, who were more from the Donna Reed era.
A good example of unconditonal love.. How about when you come home from work and find house hold chores haven't been done because your boyfriend was too busy on facebook all day fighting his dragon.. And you help him fight his dragon too without saying one peep about the trash overflowing in the kitchen. Or how about the fact that he has never read one hub of yours even though you publish it on his facebook account and never say a peep about it? :) Yep now the wine is talkin!
Not all Men are bad
I have always said my plan B if my boyfriend wouldn't work out is for me to acquire a lot of cats, wear a big Moo Moo and prune trees in the morning while the school kids made fun of me. The truth is not all men are not that bad. There are some good ones out there. Hopefully us single women who are left will not be tainted by our bad experiences and project them on the next guy. Because face it ladies. No matter how bad the lst one was there will always be a next guy. We will keep exploring until we find the perfect man for us..
a note to the guys
Yes we are occasionnly rational and know men are not all bad. But there are bad relationships out there. If you happen to " be the next guy" after a bad relationship take heed! It will be up to you to gently point out to us gals that you were not " the last guy" and there are differences. Don't puff up your chest and get all defensive. Us gals gotta talk thing through.You as " the next guy" will need to also take time to listen to us and validate that what we feel is OK. We will do the same for you!
So why do women put up with men? Probably for the same reason men put up with women. It is just meant to be.
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Cool Hub!
I am an old guy in his 50s and married for over 20 years.
Most people are still in the animal vibration. You know eat, sex and sleep.
Sort of like dogs. Its biological to want to procreate. Then here comes monogamy and true love.
The reason I am with the same women is I like her not just love her and want to have sex.
I believe for companionship,loneliness,and wanting to be loved. The problem is, not everyone deserves to be married because of various reasons.
I'd say if a girl actively has to "put up" with him, he's probably not the right man.
very good. And your plan b is too funny! :) keep up the great writing..very entertaining
Some very valid and interesting points, some food for thought! great hub, thanks :)
You only put up with anything if you have given to much of your heart and soul to someone who isnt deserving of it. you have tied yourself emotionally as well as physically to disaster. in a case as such, you need to do some soul searching and slowly but surely remove your spiritual as well as physical being away from that individual. Now if you just crazy and love abuse, maybe sooner than later you will come to your senses. No one in there right mind sticks around to be abused or come last to everything in that persons life!
Dcrisan thanks for commenting!
Dcrisan thanks for commenting!
Thanks I enjoyed reading this hub
Kyon are ya saying we are moody?? :)
Because they want caring and don't want caring.
And they want indulging .
Wendi M..I bet you have some great advice to give on relationships! Thank you for for your input!
Been there and done that Ms Chievous...3 times. I've been married, AND DIVORCED, 3 times...not to mention the 2 engagements in between. I totally understand the feeling of "needing" to be with someone. I don't like it, but in my case, it's a fact...one I wish I could get past. But you are right about the "not all men are bad" part, we just have to try really hard not to treat the good ones as if they were "the bad."
bgsimon, your comments put me in mind of a cartoon man whose head turns into a wolf when a lady walks by! thanks for comments!
and then our gals see our eyes popping andthey go haywire.what im tryin tosay is we men 90percent are the ones to be blamed because we are selfish
well to wat i tink iwont be whole with the gal i am with but when a gal passes by we men pop our eyes on the swinging bottom we men are selfish when it comes to sexual needs
interesting comment james.. thanks for stoppin....
I think they do, yes. But they can try to fill that hole with other things.
Thank You Badco! And TheProfoundidiot ( love the name) it cause we need ya whether we like it or not! ;)
I've always wondered why my wife puts up with me. Perhaps these are some of the reasons, but perhaps not. All I know is that I'm so very lucky to have met her, and even luckier that she's put up with me for so long.
create a page .. I tis easy for both genders to take each other for granted, But I am with you.. I agree that men often take women for granted too! I like being Ms Chievous too ;)
I think too many men take women for granted and visa versa. Then they merely tolerate each other when things seem irreparable. This was a great hub with much food for thought. I think you were also being and a little mischievous Ms Chievous.
Direxmd.. 80% of what we say is interpretted in how we say it.. bobdy language included. If you think about how the body language of men and women differ, no wonder there is so much miscommunication! Thanks for your input!
emievil, I hate that walking on eggshell feeling! Thats adef sign to me that things aren't working out. thanks for stopping by
Wesley Cox, That is the same reason I came up with too!
90% of breakups are miss-communications--not that someone was at fault or inherently inferior in any regard. It takes an impartial judge who can see it from both sides (hopefully one of the persons who is involved), one who can help mend fences.
Why women put up with men? good question. hmmmmm, because we like them? =) I like your last note Ms Chievous (and your avatar's smile) on why the next guy should take heed and try to be gentle. It's not really easy shifting from one relationship to another. But then again, we girls also experience that when we are the "next girl" don't we? I did and it was like feeling that you're walking on egg shells sometimes (my ex-guy was hung up with his then ex-gf or more precisely what she did to him). Good topic Ms Chievous. =)
This is an interesting hub. Why women put up with men. I would have to say that it is because you girls need us just like we need you girls.
Thank You Softcornhippo for you comment. :) What the heck does your name mean?
Gah, girl, you revealed so much about yurself here - I can't even begin to respond to itall. But believe it -- grabbin' the first guy that comes along and "will have you" - that stuff is just something you heard on the street, I hope. Might as well get a horse. Or a good novel. Maybe y'all just been moving in together too fast = so next time you could achually date and talk and meet his friends and see if you got much in common. I alas, tell my daughter about not pickin' a man for her next "project" and I'm sayin' that's about how subtle I feel on this "issue" STOP pickin' a guy you'll have to "PUT UP WITH!" Some men achually don't "NEED" a woman and some men achually will still "PUT UP WITH" a woman! See, it ALL works both ways. I been lookin' for a "equal" guy seems like my whole life - finally have to admit- ain't nobody out there "equal" some think they're better, some is, some's worse, some only think they're worse! OK? hahaha
James You are right. men AND women put up with each other because it is part of need to be connected. But your comment strikes another cord.. Do men need women to be whole? Do women need men to be whole as well? hmmmm
Shamelaboush I really was trying hard not to manbash .. Must be the wine a talkin ;) Thanks for your comments guys..
I was frustrated being a man till i reached the part: Not all men are bad! This invigorated me a bit :) Thanks Ms Chievous and wish you luck..
I have learned to never use the word hope in regards to a relationship.. it is what it is. Maybe it is because I am older that I am more cynical. Now am i hopeful that I will win the lottery? Youbetcha! thanks for the comment Jewels2940!
Unconditional love could be the answer, but also I think the little word called hope had a lot to do with mine. You keep hoping that the relationship will change or he/she will change and everything will be happily ever after, but honestly how often does this happen? Human beings are funny creatures when it comes to our emotions.....
I think women put up with men because God made them to complement each other as two halves of a whole and one half longs to be made complete by the other by the two becoming one.
Hmm me thinks too much Wine went into this hub.. I like how I dedicated it to my friend and then started talking about my self! I should have poured you a glass Gerg!
Cygnus.. it is not only hard to find that special someone, but to keep that someone special " specisl"
Tanks for your comments!
/sighs..
yup. relationship is a complicated thing.
it's not easy to find that 'special' someone to spend the rest of your life with. best of luck and hang in there. /hugs
As you infer, MC, it's people, rather than men or women. As I'm continually learning, the key is to be completely content with yourself, by yourself, so you're not projecting your needs onto another person. As an adult, that's our job - to take care of ourselves. I don't like it, and I'm sure you don't like it, but there it is. Hang in there - both of you! ;-)
Oh, and pour me a glass ...
Perspycacious Level 7 Commenter 5 months ago
Some of the Dalai Lama's 18 Rules to live by deal with this subject: #17 "Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other." The others are great, too, including #13 "In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation, don't bring up the past." And, #1 "Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk."